Sweat for mental health

I want people to realise that they’re not alone within their battle and the sooner they can speak out without feeling ashamed or embarrassed, the sooner they can start their recovery. 

I have been living with depression for some time now and honestly I don’t know where to start with it all. 

Mine started in my regional farm work for my second year in Australia. I worked on a farm where as back packers we were treated with no respect, we was treated as the bottom of the barrel and only after did I realise we was putting up with severe bullying everyday. 

At first I could laugh it off but as time went on my anxiety around getting up and going to work was getting worse and worse each day. I’d finish work at 3pm and was already dreading the next day at work. 

With all of this going on I was in a relationship which was under a lot of strain and was completely unhealthy, but I could not bring my self to leave because I felt like I had nothing else. The relationship was mentally destroying me and I was slowly losing every part of myself that I had become over the past 26 years, I felt like I had to want everything that my partner wanted and if I didn’t I was wrong and there was something wrong with me. 

Fortunately I managed to leave farm work and my relationship and returned to Brisbane where I had been living previously, I had two months where I felt like I was fine again, I was back with my friends and had no worry’s of working as I had savings from farm work. 

It didn’t take long for reality to hit, realising I needed to work again and actually I hadn’t defeated any of my demons, they was still there and if anything they came back with a vengeance, I wasn’t over any of the trauma and I couldn’t be in any situation which bought back memories of farm work or my relationship. 

I somehow managed to get myself to Sydney to start a new life, I landed my dream job as a personal trainer in one of the most amazing cities in the world. But I cannot describe that feeling of your dreams coming true but you not wanting them too, feeling like someone else could achieve your dreams better than you and thinking about throwing your future away because of trauma and sadness.