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Megan Kate

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186
kms

I'm standing up to join Team Black Dog to turn ground breaking research into life saving action.

In December 2020 I had crippling anxiety and was suffering from PTSD. 

Though I had support and love around me, I was struggling to be. To move. To breathe. It got too hard,  I struggled to connect into what it was I needed to keep pushing and fighting - it seemed that the pain would be permanent.

On the 6th of December - I attempted an overdose. Because of the quick action of my friends and the staff at the RAH - I was lucky enough to survive. 

It has taken a lot of work, an amazing therapist, an ability to continue to pick myself up, the vulnerability to be open to new people, relationships and also repair old relationships.  Every day I am thankful for the people who kept me alive. Every day I move further away from a human whose first thought in struggle is to give up or run away, every day - I move towards the human I got given the second the chance to be - through every shift, through all the growth. Gratitude is all I have that I get this chance, every day.

On March 12th 2023 - I am doing the SMALLEST triathlon known to woman.

150m swim, 7km bike ride, and a 1.5 km run. It isn't much - but for me right now - it is going to take commitment, bravery and maybe a masseuse (ahem ahem Erin) 

So I thought - why not combine this effort, with a chance to have all my favourite people support me, by supporting this amazing organisiation use their groundbreaking research to help save lives. 

I understand time is tough - so if you can't donate, but want to help me finish this goal, please feel free to message me to head for a run, bike ride, or swim as I train for the next 5 months - or come cheer me over the finish line in March. 


Please Help Me
Reach My Goal

Raised

$1,438

My Goal

$2,000

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My Updates

Like riding up a hill

Monday 30th Jan
Today I rode up what to me was a very, very steep hill. So steep that I was barely moving, in the easiest gear. I was moving so slow at one point that the bike threatened to kick me off and ride itself up the hill. Add in my complete lack of ability to coordinate standing up on the bike to make it easier. This is what it feels like to live with a complex mental health diagnosis. Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to navigate up an internal hill with no mental coordination. It feels like getting nowhere fast.. and sometimes sliding down the hill with no ability to hold on. This makes recovery bloody exhausting. It feels like that hill is never going to flatten out, and it’s sure as hell doesn’t seem like I’m ever going to be coasting. And like riding a bike, it feels kinda lonely. But today, as I almost wobbled off my bike from the turtle speed up the massive (please hear the drama) hill I stopped. I took a minute. I regained my breath and I started very slowly up to plateau. So. I guess. One day.. I’m going to find some mental coordination, and as slowly and as wobbly as it might be.. I’m gonna get to the plateau.. and I’m gonna find that cruise.

Deep, Clear Anxiety

Monday 23rd Jan
Week 2 of stepped up training.. 7 weeks to go till the mini tri.. and also properly starting some major work in therapy.. Phew what a week. A few weeks ago Erin and I were at Normanville for a family holiday.. one of the mornings I swam out about 80 meters.. down at Normy the water goes from shallow to so deep I could barely see the bottom even though the water was clean and clear.. As I hit this deep patch I felt all of a sudden very vulnerable, very far away from safety, and very aware of how alone I was and wondered if I maybe went out a little too far... I flipped onto my back.. took a couple of breaths to you know.. breathe.. and realised that as naff as it is.. I had swum into a metaphor.. this is what anxiety feels like for me.. I can be going about my daily day.. and all of a sudden hit a deep patch in my brain. It is a vulnerable place to be, it feels very far away from my calm brain, and it feels very alone.. and sometimes it feels like it will never end.. Once I regained my breathe.. I looked toward the shoreline and saw Erin there.. just like that, I realised I was capable of swimming back, it wasn’t too far, and I very much wasn’t alone (meanwhile Erin is on the shore wondering why I’ve gone out so far, and if it was the last time she would see me before I got my leg bitten off by a shark). It isn’t this easy.. I know this.. but I feel like maybe it can be simple sometimes… look up, anchor my breath, see all the people around me. Especially that beautiful woman standing on my shore.

8 weeks to go

Tuesday 17th Jan
8 weeks to go till I do my first (mini) triathlon.

This last week I have been really thinking about my why, the path I took to that moment a couple of Decembes ago and the climb back towards a safe and healthy mind. I think I might do a weekly blog post, with a check in of how I am going, and a little about my mental health journey. Feel free to share the link on your page if you think it will be helpful.. but mostly I am writing to myself... publicaly lollll

My therapist and I are about to embark on a trickier road within my therapy. we are going to go back to help me move forward. To start this off there a bunch of assessments I had to do. One of which was able to pinpoint many of my vulnerabilities and sticky points. One which didn't surprise me at all - I am a perfectionist with a huge fear of failure mixed with a huge dislike of letting others down. 

I know I am not alone in perfectionism. We live in a strivey society. This perfectionism though, at times, has kept me in bed. It has stopped me from being vulnerable, it keeps apologies stuck in my throat, it shame spirals me at 2am, it has created the biggest discourse towards my body. It has held me back time and time again.

One of the biggest problems I have had with training for this tri is that I don't want people to see me fail. I don't want to disappoint - and that includes complete strangers seeing me running on the road. Because what if I have to stop? What if I am running too slow? What if I am not fit enough? What if my body is not good enough? Whyyyyy am I doing this to myself, when I will probably just fail.

I was talking to Erin's cousins husband (stay with me) a week ago. He said to me when I said I was worried that I would fail and also people will be watching me run: What are you going to fail though? There isn't a timeline for the race, no one is there to judge you, and all of us are just so happy for you and impressed that you did share, that you opened conversation. Plus, honestly - it's a tri, people expect to see random people running on a road. 

So today, I got back to training - starting with my nemesis: running. I realised I wasn't able to run for more than 2km, because I was running too fast , striving to be a fast runner straight away - and burning out after 1km. Today I slowed it down - I made it to 2.5 km before I stopped to walk for 350m and ran the rest of the way. I ran on two main roads and realised that literally no one cares that I am running, what I look like or how fast I am or am not going. For the first time, really ever I completed a 5km run with a giant stitch to prove to myself that I achieved something my body hadn't done before.

So that is pretty cool. Dialing down the volume of the perfectionist in my head was cooler though. 

Breaking some PB’s

Wednesday 7th Dec
Hey beautiful humans!
The last two weeks have been super interesting for me! The anniversary of my attempt can up.. and it was a tricky week tbh. 
BUT this training has been amazing.. it’s given me something to focus on! I have started to feel a bunch stronger.. can totally breathe when swimming now, and my calves are almost up for me to up my running! So. Much. Fun. 

Busy couple of weeks

Saturday 26th Nov
Hullo! I’m still here training! My physio and I have pulled back on my running, focussing on my stride and technique.. but I’m swimming, riding and strength building every day!! 

All the gear!!

Monday 31st Oct
No idea!

First Run

Monday 31st Oct
1 minute running intervals x 10 almost made it to 3km!

7km bike ride

Saturday 29th Oct
Time: 24 minutes - trial ride to the swimming centre and straight back!

First ride

Saturday 29th Oct

Thank you to my Sponsors

$52.50

Becky Little

Absolutely amazing hun x

$105

Samantha Woods

Proud of you Megan xx

$52

Amy Day

Congrats Megan, awesome achievement!

$52.50

Mike & Ali Tyson

So proud to call you family. We’re behind and beside you every step of the way. Admiring your bravery and strength my love. Go girl xx

$52.50

Hilary Riddle

You're amazing xx

$52.50

James Byrne

What a brave and inspirational way to tell your story. Congrats on owning it and finding a way to turn it into a way to help others.

$21

Cavs

You go girl!!!! 🎉⭐️❤️

$21

Kate Wood

$21

Tegan Ali

$52.50

Marijke Robinson

You’ve got this! 💛

$20

David Clancey

Go get ‘em Megan

$21

Phoebe

Hello friend! X

$31.50

Kim

Yew! Go girl 💪💪💪

$31.50

Hudson Barton

Proud of you Aunty M, I love you. Love Huddy x

$52.50

Adriana & Cody Johnson

Good luck!!

$31.50

Lucy C

So proud! You’re going to smash it 🥳

$50

Jeff And Anne Campbell

Supporting you and your charity across the miles. All the very best in your fundraising xx

$31.50

Adalie

Can’t wait to cheer you on!! 🥳

$52.50

Jackie And Bocka

Great goal and fantastic cause. XX

$52.50

Miles Openshaw

We're with you all the way, Megan!

$21

Leela Walford

Go girl! We're cheering you on!

$21

Sarah Morley

Love you Megan <3

$52.50

Sally X

You got this girl ❤️

$31.50

Anonymous

$52.50

Jackson S

Well done, all for a great cause

$50

Denika

Love you ❤️

$52.50

Helen Sheldon

Well done you! Love you lots 😘

$31.50

Catherine H

Good luck Megan x

$31.50

Tanille Kelly

You got this girl!! 💞

$100

Erin Bowler

You got this. I’m so proud of you. X

$31.50

Em Affleck-rodger

Cheering you on Megan!

$105

Julie Ellemor

I know you can do this; you do your best at everything you set your mind to. Cheers Julie